To have a blog is interesting. Although, I admit a bit daunting. Every time I write, I wonder if anyone will read it and if anyone will be touched by the words.
It was at the strong urging of several people that I created this blog. I have stopped, started, stopped and restarted and stopped and begun again. Embarrassed at times because I don't post every single day and when life gets hard, many times either the creative juices stop flowing or become rancid and acidic.
I don't want to write burning exposes on life. I feel dirty and cheapened when my words burn.
Yet,
honestly, my life is can be difficult. The dark nights linger lonely. The problems appear insurmountable.
The stresses weigh heavy and my faithful footsteps falter. I am no saint. I stumble. I fail. I cuss and I pray.
Usually all in one day.
Lately, there is much transition in my life. Much uncertainty. Great stress. Multitudes of questions.
Stoic and silent, answers remain nearly inaudible. I feel burned, raw, tired and fatigued.
My smile is weak. My resolve weaker. My faults and flaws loom larger to me than my gifts and my talents.
Most days, lately, I question every move I make. I second guess my decisions and question my ideas.
Barren in mind and shallow in thinking, I sluggishly wander.
I want to skip - I limp.
I should run - I stagger.
I hope to leap - I land with a thud.
I wonder, if I am alone with these thoughts and strain to feel alive.
I am afraid you will laugh if I share how I struggle sometimes.
Are you listening?
Are you reading?
What do you do when you feel empty?
What do you do when you run out?
Is anyone out there?
Today is a hard day.
Tomorrow is unknown.
I pray and hope and believe and yearn for the sunrise to filter.
I pray and hope and believe and yearn for the tomorrow to arrive.
I pray and hope and believe and yearn for me to awaken renewed in strength,
energized in body and fresh in mind.
Lately, when I write, I wonder will anyone read it. . .
I read it and I love you :). God is so faithful. Karla
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone in your questions, my friend. What helps me most when I'm running on fumes is the presence of my husband and children (and now grandchildren). The second thing is that I have learned to be kind to myself: to get rid of (most of!) the "shoulds" and simply accept what "is" - to be OK with what I can reasonably do and not care so much about what I cannot do; to not second-guess myself once I decide something, etc.; basically, to treat myself like I would a loved one. It's not a perfect solution, but this practice of being kind to oneself helps immensely when life is its most stressful.
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