Friday, January 31, 2014

I feel pressure to perform.
Pressure to always be optimistic. To not be afraid. To not worry.
I wish I could just fall apart. Fall down. Fall and bleed my pain away. No one should be surprised.
I am weak. I don't have all the answers.

What I do have is joy and hope.

But

I choose my joy each and every day. I choose to see life as a gift. A possibility. A optimistic journey of hope. Hope. More hope exists within us then troubles exists on the outside.
Relentless hope. everyday, I choose. Choose. I choose to have hope. ALWAYS always AlWaYs aLwAyS.

 I  C.H.O.O.S.E.

hope and joy. joy and hope.

Yet.

Yet.

Yet.

Some days.

some

days

i

can

not

hold

up

my

head.

my

eyes

grow

tired.

my voice silent. my fear. my worry. my needs. LOOM large. LOOM larger than my joy & hope.

I

sit.

In silence.

My eyes

closed.

My voice stilled.

My heart beats.
My breath moves.
My blood flows.
My spirit fears.
My soul shudders.

joy
and
hope
stand in
the far far far far far far far far distance. and laugh.

mocking.
taunting.
teasing.

not in meanness or cruelty.
but
challenging me
stirring me
desiring me
to FiGhT
to fIgHt
to fffiiiggghhhttt!

stand up
stand up
stand up
and
fight
fight
fight.

with knees bloodied
i gasp for air.
i raise my head.
one knee down and one foot down.
one knee bent and then one foot planted firmly.
then i squat.
and look
away.
away over the distant.
and
I choose.
by an act of
my
will, i WILL
hope and joy to
move.
to move closer to me.

My will.
my Will.
drying the blood from my knee.
wiping my tears.
I stand.
Shaking, trembling, fragile.
I stand
 and motion to hope & joy.
Opening my arms, I allow a smile to break the grimace of my mouth.
Opening my arms, I stumble forward.
Opening my arms, I stagger  . . .
Beckoning to hope & joy,  I fall. I stand. I step. I trip. I stand again. My balance is off.
I hit the ground one more time.
Weak and trembling.

My heart beats.
My breath moves.
My blood flows.
My spirit budding,
My soul awakens.

Once more, I choose.
I choose strong.
I choose courage.
I choose joy.
I choose hope.

The sweet smell of hope wafts over my face as
the refreshing caress of joy envelopes.
Surrender overwhelms.
I feel relief coming.
Strength growing.
A familiar stirring within comforts me. Peace like fog wraps the corners of my mind.
Tranquility.
Serenity.
with the ever desired hope and joy snuggled close.

My smile broadens.
My laugh brews.
My shoulders ready.
My heart beats.
My breath moves.
My blood flows.
My spirit alive.
My soul soars.
I stand ready to face tomorrow
head-on
with the Joy of Living intertwined with Relentless Hope.




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Thanks for taking time to comment. I realize you are busy. I appreciate it. cheers! suess