What were you doing in 2006?

What were you doing in 2006?  In the afternoon of Thursday Oct. 20, 2006? Do you remember? I do. Distinctly and in detail. After finding a lump under my arm that morning, I was hearing from my local physician, for the very first time . . . “I think you have cancer.” Life Before Cancer ended on Oct. 20, 2006

On Friday Oct. 21, 2006, the biopsied lump was whisked away to a lab for testing leaving me to wait till Monday, Oct. 24, 2006 when I heard, “ Stage 4. Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma / Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia.( SLL/CLL )  Stage 4!! Eleven days later, on Nov. 6, I began a two and half year regime of chemotherapy. I was told with the blood markers I had, that 5 -7 years was a good prognosis of my life. This cancer is dogged and persistent. It is ‘treatable but not curable’ . . . says the experts.  Every day of my life, I choose life, joy and hope. relentlessHOPE -that is my mantra. Hope that is more dogged, more persistent and more tenacious then CLL/SLL. I have now been in remission since 2007 . . .  many wonderful, amazing, memorable experiences since that day in 2006 . . . as a then 43 year-old woman, I still had three teenagers at home. So much of life ahead.  Life now is A.C. After Cancer. . . regular scans convince me cancer is not yet within my body. Life beckons and I answer…yes. Whatever is life’s question…my answer is yes. 

IF this were page 1 of Chapter 1 of a book - would you read any further? . . . . . . . . . "The car veered, shimmied the curve, shattered a stash of hidden beer bottles and tore through the neglected weeds. Gravel flew out from the wheels and Giselle screamed. A scream so visceral, it sliced through the growing darkness and would have pierced a listener’s ears. Giselle was alone. No one to hear. No one to warn. No one to comfort. Her black Carrera accelerated as her foot fell heavily. Her tears, her screams, her fears accelerated simultaneously.

The salty tears clouded her vision and the soft shoulder threatened to send the car into a tailspin to match her out of control emotions. How could she process the news? The horrible news. Tragedy etched her life and she uttered a constant stream of guttural screams of grief.

She would have stopped. Normally, she would never have gone forward. Giselle never saw him. Never knew what hit the Porsche. Absolutely, never saw the bearded father of four hiking alongside the road. His minivan stood overheated fifty feet behind. Only days later, when the uniformed policewoman crisscrossed the parking lot to accost her, would she learn of her new status. Wanted. Wanted for manslaughter. Giselle wondered if anyone would care. . . if anyone would notice her absence.

One death in a week was adequate, thought Giselle yet two murders in a week was too much for her mind to comprehend. She gripped the black pen as the desk officer droned about police procedures. Giselle noticed for the first time, her blood tinged shirt, the jagged cut over a bruised, swollen knee and her hands shook as she handed the officer the pen. She turned on one foot, careful to protect her knee, and heard a woman’s voice echoing jarring screams of distress. “Giselle! Giselle! Why? Why did you kill our baby? Jonathan! Jonathan is dead. Dead. Because of you.“

Giselle looked blankly at the crying woman in a blue cotton boat shirt, her mind searching madly for a strain of recognition. A memory never surfaced. She continued to stare. Willing her eyes to meet the raging mad woman, now restrained by two police officers, Giselle registered no emotion. No tears. No voice. No noises escaped her throat. Her only motion was to reach into her back jean pocket, stealthily slip out a silver razor blade and in one cat-like movement, slice through her own stone white flesh. The blade flowed crimson as her neck pulsated. The slashed skin parted as a virginal sacrifice and her clean hands dripped with her blood.

Registering another voice, another scream, another cry of despair, Giselle ear’s told her mind that these screams now belonged to her. Giselle saw the blue boat shirt woman jump over a metal desk chair, throw an officer aside and as she grabbed Giselle, she kissed her check, screaming. The women fell; the hard cold office floor embraced them as her eyes flowed fresh tears.

Giselle fainted, her head and chest, obscured by blood and the strange woman sat to the side, head down, muttering, “ why, Giselle, why?” as the paramedics walked around the blood stains. "

. . . whispers in my ear: choose joy. be kind. compromise. stand strong. receive help. offer forgiveness. screams within: stay angry. go first. demand. look down. go away. refuse relationship. 

TODAY: may i, as i listen with my heart centered on the way of peace find the path that leads me into tranquility and ease. 

may i, as i refute turmoil and confusion, release tension and conflict. 

may i, as i allow grace to manifest in my life - turn to you and share with you that which heals me. 

may you as well begin a journey into your healing. 

O', that we both may share. O' may whispers in ears transform screams into peace.

The words swirling in my mind as the sun arches over the palm trees, as the clouds dance through the horizon and the birds play my melody: relax, beloveds. 

nothing is going to happen today to you that cannot be deciphered, eventually. 
tragedy may befall...i know.
sadness may ebb. . . i understand. 
confusion may settle...i've been there. 
yet. yet. yet. walk forward. breath in. breath out. 

settle for simple. strive for calm. aim for easy. 

take those three hard steps and fall back two. get up and take another step. or two. and reach out for peace. peace. 

peace: that small whisper in the back of your heart, that ever so tender urging in the struggle to face one more day. one more hour. one more minute. 

i know it can be rough...i also know when you, when i - relax, breath and move. 

ever so slowly, i ( you ) warner a bit more strength that makes the tomorrow's easier than the today's. relax beloveds....let your breathing in and breathing out bring you comfort and courage. . . let your steps today, small though they might possibly be, be steady. 

relax, beloveds, you are not alone. i too am with you in this journey. . . and together when we as people walk forward, so walk we all.


breathe beloveds, breathe.

. . . .no one deserves to be rejected, verbally harassed, or neglected. 

today may i embrace the woman in my mirror. 

may i care for myself as i would care for you. 
may i speak encouragement, support and love to her. 
today i silence the harsh self criticism, the sabotage of self doubt and the viciousness of critique. 

today, that woman in the mirror?

 i love her and will actively let her know she is beloved!!

Cry of the Earth

 I.     

Alone. 

Solitary.

Staring abyss. Dimmed vision. Dull. 

I sat.

Watched the sun peek. 

Peeking out amidst high bellows of brilliantly white strewn clouds across blue heavens. 

Salty foamy water waves crashed at my feet. 

Ears heard a cry. A whine. A cry in the winds. Piercing my conscience, hauntingly beautiful. 

My soul stopped. The cry of the earth. The cry of the earth cried for me. 

Cried my name. 

The spirit of the earth manifested, yet invisible, I saw her. Welcoming and beckoning me, I hesitated.

With permission, she came to me. 

Hands out stretched. She stood me. Up I gazed deeply into her peace.

Mute, I stand and she spoke. 

Spoke. A ballad of all times, cascaded, permeated my being. 

Overwhelmed with her total acceptance, the earth stood before me.

Words halt. Silence flows. Heartbreak caverns inside me yet no sound emerges. 

"By your side, I long to take you into my body. 

Let me consume you. Get lost within me. Search my being and touch me.

Please. I beg you. 

Morph into me.

I

Eliminate the rawness. Take away your pain. 

Give you freedom. Give you rest.

I look. Your eyes hide. 

Masked by control, I see tears drip, drop, drip, drop in your soul. 

Your cheeks: so high, so dry and pretty, shine unscathed.

Your body sits composed and steady.

Your blood mingles with calm.

Your heart - a stoic beast. 

The mask of "I'm okay" reinforced with each breath.

You cannot be ok. You lie. You are not okay. "

I hear my voice, a strained croak. A sliver of me.

A glimmer of nothingness revealed, "I am not okay." 

My stilled questions echoed, unspoken, burned.

Their burning stench lined my spirit.

“How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with brokenness? 

How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with pain?

How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with abuse?

How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with disease?

How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with neglect?

How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with apathy?

How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with rejection?

How can one fragile fleshly human be okay with despair?

How

can 

I?

How 

can 

you?”

She heard the burning cries. She heard. The burning in my spirit. She heard. 

She is not afraid of my burn. She is not afraid of me. 

Engulfing the stench of my spirit she entered me.

Extinguishing the burn, Earth merged within me, penetrating.

"Come closer to me and be.

Come closer to me and dissolve.

Come closer and lift the virgin mask off.

Come closer and expose your truth behind the walls of self-protection. 

I am safe. I am gentle. Tender and soft, fall into my arms of love.

I will hold you while you break. Caress you. Protect you. 

Pour life and liberty over your raw, bleeding, pus filled emotions. 

Balmy oil of peace trickles in....while putrid vomit fear oozes out. 

Calming release flows into you as you come into me. 

Lay down your sweet head. Rest. Refresh. Renew.” 

I? I feel: faint faint faint stirrings. Scabs of protection, red tinged coverings:

a hidden healing begins. 

“Stay within me and heal. Stay within me...Within me heal and live. 

Stay within me and be not alone. I am here. I am here... for you.

I am with you. I am you. You are me.

Every moment. Every breath. Every beat. Every drop.

Every moment. Every breath. Every beat. Every drop.

We are not fully healed but we are on your way

We are not okay with your pain. 

We are not as broken as once we were. 

We are more than your brokenness. 

We are more than your pain.

We are.

We are finding the answers as we journey. 

We are bound by respect. 

We are tied by grace.

We are in love.

We are.

We are together. 

We are one. 

We are. 

We. "

 

Poodle chicks, Berkshire pigs, Nigerian goats and Pionus Parrots! Oh my!

I NEED: 10+ acres of land with a large fishable stock tank or on a fishable river or  lake...of course, with either gulf access via a canal or be within 5-7 miles of a beach.  

Reason: I need a FARM! I NEED!  Clutch of poodle chicks, drove of Berkshire pigs, herd of Nigerian goats,  American Paint Horses!!  I CAN DREAM!! A greens garden! A flower garden! Oh, a Harlequin great dane! And a Pionus Parrot! And a bit of room for bee hives and the occasional rescue creature.

House, cabins and outbuildings. A retail shop with creative works for sale as well as unique and organic pet supplies/food/accessories.

Pool with covered Florida lanai. Dreaming . . . dreaming. . . dreaming.

While I dream, I encourage you today- stop. Cease rushing around.For twenty minutes- close your eyes and dream. What would you have if you knew you could not fail? What is covered up in your busyness? What is in your heart of hearts? Your hopes? Your desires?

Life is so short. Dreams need to be birthed. Dreams are given for a reason.

Dream on.....and let your actions today BEGIN. BEGIN to prepare you to receive the reality your dreams.

relentlessHOPE Farm shall be a reality one day.

A place where folks can gather to refresh their spirits and soul. A gentle, kind, and tender place where adults with special needs can work/visit/belong. A place where those living with cancer can retreat/renew/be. A location for artists who need to recover/rediscover/recreate their own zest for creativity. A meditative/spiritual place where respect oozes, love permeates and life buzzes.

The hub? An event center for relentlessHOPE LIVE events to occur.

That's my dream . . . What is your dream?

Breeze. Birds. Frogs. Rain. Thunder. Breath.

The breeze cools me as I sit and listen. To what?
To the birds closing day chirp. The frogs darkening serenade.
The cadence of soft rain drip drop drop drip drop.
Rumbling thunder background.

The breeze cools me as I sit and observe. To what?
The suns offer of disappearing glances.
The clouds covering the burn of day.
The leaves respond to shifting air.
Colors deepening in shadow rest.

Evening approaches.
I close my eyes. To what?
To the distractions of activity.
Demons of demand.
Much calls my name.
Yet
I am immune. Isolated. Invisible.

The spirit of me relaxes.
Within my soul, I sense.
Breath and breath and breath.
Muscles ache from day tasks. Blood flows to repair. Heart beats in rhythm.
To life. To dreams. To loves.


Moments pass as healing flows.
Moments.
Moments in life to stop.
Moments in life to receive.

I yearn to be whole.
I ache to be free.

The breeze cools me as I sit and listen. To what?
To my life flow. My heart song. My dreams form.
Breeze. Birds. Frogs. Rain. Thunder. Breath.
My symphony. My sanctuary. An audience of one.

The Edge of Familiar

standing at the edge of familiar,
paused,
foot held still, midway through step
i & my motion cease.

turning my head,
i pursue
unspoiled light.
turning my head,
i pursue
virginity.

the ragged edge of dirty familiar versus
the trace pure beginnings of the unacquainted

competing.
beckoning.

within - an awaking.

retching, my senses heighten.
a desire to flee nauseates my innards.
numerous championing voices blow blustery confusion.

with foot cased in concrete, i am permanent.
permanently pursuing.

never capturing life as i desire.
never holding newness in gentle embrace.
never to taste sweet surrender
never birthing my now,  embryonic dreams.

standing at the edge of familiar, i cease.

dawn o' day

please stop.

stop.

stop.

don't walk.
don't talk.
don't even look my way.

i cannot.
be.

i can not.
breath.

i c a n n o t
function
any
more.

please
please
please

let
me
go

let
me
go

let me
go.

silence- offer in: tranquility- please lead to: juncture- usher me: peace- graciously serve me:
stillness

night approaches, trembling overtakes my heartbeat.
within
volcanic chasms create shivers of cold. stamina leaves. will diminishes.
glistening and glitter in eyes is no more. i sleep. with no restorative powers, i sleep.
battling vapors of the past. seeking refuge in traumatic visions.
mocking and berating i frigidly wish for dawns light, with understanding that dawn brings nothing.

nothing but opportunity to choose. to choose again. different. opposite - more than prior.

o' dawn of day and dawn of light, i plead. i bow. desperate. raw and torn, my eyes flicker with hope.

hope. hope. hope. to be. to be more than yesterday. to be. simply.
to feel healing drip drop unto bloodied nerves. heartstrings to ooze vile no more.

o' dawn of day. flow o'er me and blow away dirty remnants of yester.
o' dawn of day. flow o'er me . . .
o' dawn of day, newness be mine.

She needed a HERO, so that's what she became

She needed a HERO, so that's what she became!

I read the above quote on social media.

Stopped.

Stared.

Let salty tears fall. 

Wiped tears, sat back deeply into brown leather and closed my eyes.

A hero?

A HERO?

A HERO?

Do I need a hero?                Yes, I think I do. 

YES! I screamed raw and hoarse in the hallows of my mind.

YET:

Have I ever considered becoming that HERO? 

Becoming that HERO to me?

hum....

silence. 

stillness. 

deafening quiet surrounded my thoughts.

the resounding answer echoed, hit the corners of my mind

fell

shattering my composure.

I had NOT considered becoming my own hero

Not until today.

Today.

Look at the woman in the mirror and declare to her:

YOU are my hero. 

YOU are my hero.

You ARE MY hero.

Deep breaths.

Slow, cleansing, relaxing and renewing breaths.

Tears fell - still

Smile broke - fresh

Eyes glisten - hope

My baby steps today. 

My baby hero steps begin.

Becoming that which I need. 

Tomorrow I will step once more until one day, I walk straight into my very own hero. 

I walk straight into 

ME.


SuessK can be reached at www.suessk.com

shrapnel of self

shrapnel of self

bloodies as fragments 

fall and

shatter 

screams of hurt

betrayal echo

replicated 

on my steel hard heart. 

shrapnel

of self-esteem

of self-worth slouch

trodden underneath

accusation

trodden underneath

complaint

my insides outward

as anger

drains my energy

regret oozes taking joy in red tinged drops

bile as remorse odors my nose

bitterness seizes as vomit

sadness spews in short gushes

shrapnel of self

laying

in solitaire

sequestered

impounded

repossessed

nothingness within

nonentity remains

rest now o’ my soul

repose now o’ my spirit

ease and compose

linger inactive

till tomorrow

tolerate now a tranquility wash

accept a composure recommence

tomorrow

aim strive seek struggle once more

for a shrapnel reverse

in anticipation hope

to

exist intact

and in healing live

unabridged once more.

7 steps - it is finished- actually I am beginning.

It is finished? No, I am beginning.



step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)
step 2 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept. 20, 2014)
step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts - DONE (see post from Sept. 21, 2014)
step 4 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept 22, 2014)
step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror DONE ( see post from Sept. 25, 2014)
step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5 DONE (TODAY - Sept 26, 2014)
step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror DONE


Sept. 18, 2014 - 10 days ago, I began a concise seven step self awareness & acceptance exercise. (outlined above)   One that has interfered with my thoughts, my activities and emotions as I pledged to look honestly at Suess. Thankfulness overwhelms at those interferences. I now have a concrete landmark upon which I can refer. A landmark that if I heed and act, can give me direction, clarity and assurance. Landmark that I can return to when confused and lost. A landmark of identity and worth. A landmark of Suess.

As women, the rush we call life, blurs our reflection. Demands from family, profession and our culture severely taint the woman in the mirror. My desire with this exercise was to wipe away the smudged prints from my reflection. As fingerprints on a mirror, my 'self' view of who I was born to be, had become distorted & unrecognizable. I was lost and unrecognizable.

With these 7 tasks, I wiped away years of misgiving and self -rejection. I decided out loud to forgive myself for my faults. I declared to my memory, my cells, my very essence the reveal of who I know that I know I am. The 7 steps are not the end. Alas, a new beginning begins with a single step. Cliche as it sounds, it is true. I begin today to be true to me. In love and grace, I choose me.

I am grateful for faults, personality, talents & gifts. I am grateful for the woman in the mirror. I declare to embrace the imperfect, eccentric, loud, loyal, accepting and compassionate writer that I am. Today, a new face lingers in my mirror. She is on a journey. She is imperfectly wonderful.

Thank you for reading along.

If you worked along side me on the 7 steps,  applause, applause applause!

Please share with me.

Cheers, hugs & love, Suess

I am not a photographer. I am not a marketer.

step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)
step 2 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept. 20, 2014)
step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts - DONE (see post from Sept. 21, 2014)
step 4 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept 22, 2014)
step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror DONE ( see post from Sept. 25, 2014)
step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5 DONE (TODAY - Sept 26, 2014)
step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror


Today, I read silently my letter I wrote yesterday to the woman in the mirror. (Did not follow directions)

I thought I would react.
Perhaps weep
Gasp
Scream
and
then maybe smile.

Nothing.
Nothing registered.
Nothing.

Read it aloud, once more.Twice more. Three times. . . aloud, following the directions.

Amazement...
I did weep, gasp, scream and breath.
I did smile.
All three times.
Literally, Hearing the words my older self of today told my 33 year old self of yesterday, set a myriad of emotions into action.The audible version penetrated my usual stoic shell and ignited unadulterated release. Release into action and I affirmed my dogged decision to do that which I was created to do and that which I am most suited...write & speak.

 I am an author & a speaker. I am not a photographer. I am not a marketer. I am not business office staff.     I am not a medical receptionist. I am not a minister. I am not a day care teacher.
I am an author & public speaker.

All the other titles, I have lived. All the other titles, have gifted me rich experiences, amazing relationships, cruel pain and opportunities to choose joy. I am thankful for the "I am nots" which I embodied for a time. I am thankful mostly because they led me to the path upon which today, I walk.


Oh how I ache to communicate to other women the truth of acceptance and approval.

I ache to demonstrate to other women that listening to their voice, embracing their uniqueness to live out those whispers which resound inside their mind will lead them to a most fantastical life.

Re READ that last long sentence.

Re READ it again, read it to the woman in the mirror, except put your name in it:
"I ________ ache to demonstrate to you that listening to your voice, embracing your uniqueness to live out those whispers which resound inside your mind and only by heeding that call from within will you be lead into your most fantastical life."


Challenge: Write a letter to your younger self about the future. Encourage her to embrace that which comes and make it part of her journey. READ it aloud and let the powerful truth flow. Let your life begin.

Write to the Woman in the Mirror - A younger version - I chose age 33, the woman I was in 1996.

step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)
step 2 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept. 20, 2014)
step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts - DONE (see post from Sept. 21, 2014)
step 4 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept 22, 2014)
step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror
step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5
step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror


Step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror - A younger version - I chose age 33, the woman I was in 1996.



Dear Woman in the Mirror,

You don't realize this but in 10 years you will be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It will completely shock you because you will have finally lost 90 pounds. You will no longer be obese. You will also in this time be diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. You will also have a complete ankle replacement. Remember when you were 20, traveled to Norway and Sweden and went snow skiing? Remember falling down the ski slop? That injury eventually killed the ankle bone.

The cancer you will have is called Chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) and small lymphocytic lymphoma (SLL). You will hear "treatable but not curable." Your kids will be 13, 14 and 18. You will become very angry and determined to live. You will create relentlessHOPE as your mantra. Since you are reading this, you make it into "non active" disease. Eventually you will gain back all your weight but then lose again 75 pounds. You will adopt a healthy eating pattern of low carb meals consisting of fresh green veggies, whole proteins, lean fish and very little red meat.

Cancer will come and cancer will go. Friends also will come and go. I won't tell you who sticks around and who leaves. You would never, ever ever believe me if I did. You don't know your friends or your family as well as you think. Enjoy who you have for this season...and don't be afraid to let them go. Embrace who comes. Release who leaves.

I can tell you ...that every thing you experienced you will put to use as you move forward in your life. EVERYTHING! I cannot stress enough that fact. Everything: hard, silly, negative, good, productive, interesting, shitty, fun, difficult, painful and joyful. Each element melts, molds and forms into you.

You are an amazing woman. You are a rich & eclectic myriad of experiences. You have been given a voice to encourage and empower. You will use it in ways you cannot imagine. Please listen to her. Listen to that voice you hear when you see that woman in the mirror. LISTEN TO YOU! You know your dreams & desires. You know your heart. Your know your faith and your doubts. I challenge you, dear one to compassionately accept and embrace the woman in the mirror. She is your best friend. She is your guide and your trustworthy companion. She is your lover & she is you.

No one else like her exists in this world. No one is better suited to care for you. Cancer tried to take her from you ...but TADAAAAA!!! You are living proof that living with cancer can be done with joy, with success and of course with relentless HOPE!


Cheers, Suess....from your woman in your mirror.

Step 4 - Affirm personality

I am challenged to take part of a self awareness healing exercise. 

step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)

step 2 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept. 20, 2014) 

step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts -  DONE (see post from Sept. 21, 2014)

step 4 - Affirm Personality - 

step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror

step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5

step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror

Step 4 - affirm personality

Yesterday and the day before, I listed 15 of my faults and 10 talents /gifts. Today's exercise is to affirm my personality. Not sure I want to proceed. Not certain of HOW to proceed. Affirmation is difficult for many. Criticism comes easier.

Sigh....I will try.

Okay....I am loyal to my family and friends. I believe I hang on to relationships and value their worth. I am determined to live life happily yet I know that being flexible is almost mandatory in this life. Hard work is not scary and sometimes working hard at something provides me a needed escape. People who are different from me, are interesting and compel me to learn about their culture. I know that compassion rises out of my soul when people, animals or the earth hurt. Give me a few minutes of your time and I will draw you out of your shell and know about your story. Stories..whether written or spoken are my heartbeat. Words are life. My life is words.

Reader: Thank you for hanging with me thru the steps of this exercise. Only 3 more steps till I am finished. What have you done so far with your woman or man in the mirror?

Cheers, Suess

the drip, drop, drip, drop of HEALING -Step 3

I am challenged to take part of a self awareness healing exercise. 

step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)

step 2 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept. 20, 2014) 

step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts - 

step 4 - Affirm Personality -

step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror

step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5

step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror

step 3 - Acknowledge  Talents & Gifts 

Having listed 15 of my faults, my task today is to list talents and gifts. . . This exercise is not as easy as I thought. Discovering attributes I feel I possess daunted. Listing felt uncomfortable. Boastful. Uneasy. I could not match my faults list. . . the process of healing & health is a myriad of journeys. A maze, if you will of starts and stops. I have begun the journey. For that, I am grateful. 

Here goes . . .  

1. Loyal
2. Determined
3. Flexible
4. Decisive
5. Hard worker
6. Accepting
7. Like people from cultures different than my own
8. Compassionate
9. Able to connect with people
10. Good with the written word

Sigh....reflecting on those 10 traits, I'm pleased. I acknowledge I am those. Looking at the woman in the mirror, I smile. I repeated those traits several times and each time my smile broadened.

     "Listen, woman in the mirror to that which you hear. Listen. Allow the truth of affirmation to begin. Allow the drip, drop, drip, drop of healing sprinkle within."

Reader: If you are following along this small exercise, then I pray you too will let the drip, drop of healing trickle within your spirit. I would welcome a conversation with you...how are you doing?

Together in hope,

Cheers!
Suess

   

Sometimes your desire to be yourself is not successful.

I am challenged to take part of a self awareness healing exercise. 

step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)

step 2 - Affirm Personality 

step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts - Unlimited

step 4 - Affirm Personality

step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror

step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5

step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror

step 2 - Affirm Personality 

Dear Woman in the Mirror,

   Sometimes your desire to be yourself is not successful. There are many reasons ( and a few excuses ) as to the reason this desire is not obtained. Yesterday you wrote of your faults. . . and there are nuggets of truth within those faults. You are human. You are not perfect nor without fault. Life has tainted and tarnished portions of you.

     

     Impatient, judgmental, grudges, intolerant, critical, unwilling to listen and/or forgive can on occasion describe you. These shortcomings may be true... yet those negative aspects reveal only one facet of your whole. It is good to acknowledge that which is uncomfortable and unpleasant, in order to change. Looking with honesty at the woman in the mirror creates an environment of possibility. In order to better oneself and rid oneself of undesirable traits, one must first be made aware. 

This list is a a good start. You did well by writing openly. You did look hard at the woman in the mirror. You did not shrink away from the negative. You seem strong enough to face your own ugly truths.   

 However, those negative traits are not the only thing that defines. You are more than . . . "impatient, judgmental, grudges, intolerant, critical, unwilling to listen and/or forgive." 

You are more. You are more. You are more. 

"Impatient, judgmental, grudges, intolerant, critical, unwilling to listen and/or forgive" are a few of a larger whole. Be aware. Be mindful. Listen to the sound & tone your voice. 

Today, if you are struggling, today if you falter, today if you make a mistake and embrace those negatives, talk to that woman in the mirror. When she appears before you, tell her aloud and clear so that this message sinks into the membranes of your cells: 

       

       "Suess, today at this moment, you are struggling. Today, was not your best day. Things overwhelmed and you reacted. Humanness prevailed. Your weakness peeked out from behind your strength and intercepted your responses. Not what you wanted... Not how you'd like to be. Know this, you 

        are more than your weakness. You are okay. Be kind to yourself and know that you do not always react  so negatively. You do not always lash out. Forgive yourself. Ask forgiveness of the other person. Make sure to accept your own forgiveness and if offered, accept the other person's forgiveness as well. Your intent was not hurtful even though that was the outcome. OK Suess, take a deep breath. Breath. In and out. In and out. Relax and allow the healing of forgiveness to flow. Breath. Breath. Muscles relax. Mind be still. Energy come. Spirit: embrace the truth. The truth that the mistakes of today are gone. If at all possible, let the sun set right this moment on your mistakes. Let the next breath allow you to begin again.  A new beginning is now. A new start is now. A new better response exists within you. Choose it now."    

As I tell myself, I also declare to you my reader: "You are more. You are more. You are more."