Breeze. Birds. Frogs. Rain. Thunder. Breath.

The breeze cools me as I sit and listen. To what?
To the birds closing day chirp. The frogs darkening serenade.
The cadence of soft rain drip drop drop drip drop.
Rumbling thunder background.

The breeze cools me as I sit and observe. To what?
The suns offer of disappearing glances.
The clouds covering the burn of day.
The leaves respond to shifting air.
Colors deepening in shadow rest.

Evening approaches.
I close my eyes. To what?
To the distractions of activity.
Demons of demand.
Much calls my name.
Yet
I am immune. Isolated. Invisible.

The spirit of me relaxes.
Within my soul, I sense.
Breath and breath and breath.
Muscles ache from day tasks. Blood flows to repair. Heart beats in rhythm.
To life. To dreams. To loves.


Moments pass as healing flows.
Moments.
Moments in life to stop.
Moments in life to receive.

I yearn to be whole.
I ache to be free.

The breeze cools me as I sit and listen. To what?
To my life flow. My heart song. My dreams form.
Breeze. Birds. Frogs. Rain. Thunder. Breath.
My symphony. My sanctuary. An audience of one.

The Edge of Familiar

standing at the edge of familiar,
paused,
foot held still, midway through step
i & my motion cease.

turning my head,
i pursue
unspoiled light.
turning my head,
i pursue
virginity.

the ragged edge of dirty familiar versus
the trace pure beginnings of the unacquainted

competing.
beckoning.

within - an awaking.

retching, my senses heighten.
a desire to flee nauseates my innards.
numerous championing voices blow blustery confusion.

with foot cased in concrete, i am permanent.
permanently pursuing.

never capturing life as i desire.
never holding newness in gentle embrace.
never to taste sweet surrender
never birthing my now,  embryonic dreams.

standing at the edge of familiar, i cease.

dawn o' day

please stop.

stop.

stop.

don't walk.
don't talk.
don't even look my way.

i cannot.
be.

i can not.
breath.

i c a n n o t
function
any
more.

please
please
please

let
me
go

let
me
go

let me
go.

silence- offer in: tranquility- please lead to: juncture- usher me: peace- graciously serve me:
stillness

night approaches, trembling overtakes my heartbeat.
within
volcanic chasms create shivers of cold. stamina leaves. will diminishes.
glistening and glitter in eyes is no more. i sleep. with no restorative powers, i sleep.
battling vapors of the past. seeking refuge in traumatic visions.
mocking and berating i frigidly wish for dawns light, with understanding that dawn brings nothing.

nothing but opportunity to choose. to choose again. different. opposite - more than prior.

o' dawn of day and dawn of light, i plead. i bow. desperate. raw and torn, my eyes flicker with hope.

hope. hope. hope. to be. to be more than yesterday. to be. simply.
to feel healing drip drop unto bloodied nerves. heartstrings to ooze vile no more.

o' dawn of day. flow o'er me and blow away dirty remnants of yester.
o' dawn of day. flow o'er me . . .
o' dawn of day, newness be mine.

She needed a HERO, so that's what she became

She needed a HERO, so that's what she became!

I read the above quote on social media.

Stopped.

Stared.

Let salty tears fall. 

Wiped tears, sat back deeply into brown leather and closed my eyes.

A hero?

A HERO?

A HERO?

Do I need a hero?                Yes, I think I do. 

YES! I screamed raw and hoarse in the hallows of my mind.

YET:

Have I ever considered becoming that HERO? 

Becoming that HERO to me?

hum....

silence. 

stillness. 

deafening quiet surrounded my thoughts.

the resounding answer echoed, hit the corners of my mind

fell

shattering my composure.

I had NOT considered becoming my own hero

Not until today.

Today.

Look at the woman in the mirror and declare to her:

YOU are my hero. 

YOU are my hero.

You ARE MY hero.

Deep breaths.

Slow, cleansing, relaxing and renewing breaths.

Tears fell - still

Smile broke - fresh

Eyes glisten - hope

My baby steps today. 

My baby hero steps begin.

Becoming that which I need. 

Tomorrow I will step once more until one day, I walk straight into my very own hero. 

I walk straight into 

ME.


SuessK can be reached at www.suessk.com

shrapnel of self

shrapnel of self

bloodies as fragments 

fall and

shatter 

screams of hurt

betrayal echo

replicated 

on my steel hard heart. 

shrapnel

of self-esteem

of self-worth slouch

trodden underneath

accusation

trodden underneath

complaint

my insides outward

as anger

drains my energy

regret oozes taking joy in red tinged drops

bile as remorse odors my nose

bitterness seizes as vomit

sadness spews in short gushes

shrapnel of self

laying

in solitaire

sequestered

impounded

repossessed

nothingness within

nonentity remains

rest now o’ my soul

repose now o’ my spirit

ease and compose

linger inactive

till tomorrow

tolerate now a tranquility wash

accept a composure recommence

tomorrow

aim strive seek struggle once more

for a shrapnel reverse

in anticipation hope

to

exist intact

and in healing live

unabridged once more.

7 steps - it is finished- actually I am beginning.

It is finished? No, I am beginning.



step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)
step 2 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept. 20, 2014)
step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts - DONE (see post from Sept. 21, 2014)
step 4 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept 22, 2014)
step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror DONE ( see post from Sept. 25, 2014)
step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5 DONE (TODAY - Sept 26, 2014)
step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror DONE


Sept. 18, 2014 - 10 days ago, I began a concise seven step self awareness & acceptance exercise. (outlined above)   One that has interfered with my thoughts, my activities and emotions as I pledged to look honestly at Suess. Thankfulness overwhelms at those interferences. I now have a concrete landmark upon which I can refer. A landmark that if I heed and act, can give me direction, clarity and assurance. Landmark that I can return to when confused and lost. A landmark of identity and worth. A landmark of Suess.

As women, the rush we call life, blurs our reflection. Demands from family, profession and our culture severely taint the woman in the mirror. My desire with this exercise was to wipe away the smudged prints from my reflection. As fingerprints on a mirror, my 'self' view of who I was born to be, had become distorted & unrecognizable. I was lost and unrecognizable.

With these 7 tasks, I wiped away years of misgiving and self -rejection. I decided out loud to forgive myself for my faults. I declared to my memory, my cells, my very essence the reveal of who I know that I know I am. The 7 steps are not the end. Alas, a new beginning begins with a single step. Cliche as it sounds, it is true. I begin today to be true to me. In love and grace, I choose me.

I am grateful for faults, personality, talents & gifts. I am grateful for the woman in the mirror. I declare to embrace the imperfect, eccentric, loud, loyal, accepting and compassionate writer that I am. Today, a new face lingers in my mirror. She is on a journey. She is imperfectly wonderful.

Thank you for reading along.

If you worked along side me on the 7 steps,  applause, applause applause!

Please share with me.

Cheers, hugs & love, Suess

I am not a photographer. I am not a marketer.

step 1 - Acknowledge Faults - Limited up to 15 - DONE (see post from Sept 18, 2014)
step 2 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept. 20, 2014)
step 3 - Acknowledge Talents & Gifts - DONE (see post from Sept. 21, 2014)
step 4 - Affirm Personality - DONE (see post from Sept 22, 2014)
step 5 - Write to the Woman in the Mirror DONE ( see post from Sept. 25, 2014)
step 6 - Read aloud the Writing in step 5 DONE (TODAY - Sept 26, 2014)
step 7 - Embrace the Woman in the Mirror


Today, I read silently my letter I wrote yesterday to the woman in the mirror. (Did not follow directions)

I thought I would react.
Perhaps weep
Gasp
Scream
and
then maybe smile.

Nothing.
Nothing registered.
Nothing.

Read it aloud, once more.Twice more. Three times. . . aloud, following the directions.

Amazement...
I did weep, gasp, scream and breath.
I did smile.
All three times.
Literally, Hearing the words my older self of today told my 33 year old self of yesterday, set a myriad of emotions into action.The audible version penetrated my usual stoic shell and ignited unadulterated release. Release into action and I affirmed my dogged decision to do that which I was created to do and that which I am most suited...write & speak.

 I am an author & a speaker. I am not a photographer. I am not a marketer. I am not business office staff.     I am not a medical receptionist. I am not a minister. I am not a day care teacher.
I am an author & public speaker.

All the other titles, I have lived. All the other titles, have gifted me rich experiences, amazing relationships, cruel pain and opportunities to choose joy. I am thankful for the "I am nots" which I embodied for a time. I am thankful mostly because they led me to the path upon which today, I walk.


Oh how I ache to communicate to other women the truth of acceptance and approval.

I ache to demonstrate to other women that listening to their voice, embracing their uniqueness to live out those whispers which resound inside their mind will lead them to a most fantastical life.

Re READ that last long sentence.

Re READ it again, read it to the woman in the mirror, except put your name in it:
"I ________ ache to demonstrate to you that listening to your voice, embracing your uniqueness to live out those whispers which resound inside your mind and only by heeding that call from within will you be lead into your most fantastical life."


Challenge: Write a letter to your younger self about the future. Encourage her to embrace that which comes and make it part of her journey. READ it aloud and let the powerful truth flow. Let your life begin.